Let the Son Shine In

I have spent so long walking on a knife edge with one hand reaching out for God and the other hanging onto the Black Dog.. I have forgotten what joy is. God has blessed me with Respite.. actual Respite.. by giving me the chance to be away from the pressure cooker of my existence ... And I have grasped it with both hands.. letting go of the Black Dog for now.

A while back I had the opportunity to go to Florida this month for ten days and meet my friend Marylee from Oregon at a friend of hers in St Petersburg, Florida. So, I did, I said YES, with out thinking where the resources would come from. Two weeks ago, Carolyn, Marylee's friend asked, would we be willing to stay on and care for her cat and house sit.. MaryLee couldn't.. But again I said YES..with out knowing, how or what.. and so.. I:
Called John's doctor, asked if I could be away for 30 days.. he said 'YES do it now while you can' I asked my daughter if she could cope with John alone, she said 'Yes, mom you need this' and then I asked John, and he said 'ok'.

So here I am, in Florida, in the SUN and Light, in the USA.. for 30 days.. away.

Today, I went to church.. a contemporary, Happy music filled service, and I got my Jesus fix, and It was wonderful.. it is so extravagant to me, to have time, space, warmth and FREEDOM to be.. to ponder, and to get perspective. God has blessed me with this time.. and I want to use it well.

One thing that I am pondering.. is how as I left Inverness.. the sadness that has covered me began to drop away.. Another is.. How, the only Person that really fills my heart.. the way I want to be filled.. is Jesus.. The rest.. is not in my purview to worry about. My future is not in my hands, my responsibility lies only with Loving God, Letting God's extravagant Grace fill me, and Trusting.

I don't know what is to come.. I don't know if the Black Dog will return .. and I am not going to contemplate it.. nurse it or chew on it.. I am going to be present.. in this moment of Respite.. and with that I give you this: