Moving on.....

You know, I read that first blog a bit ago once again and thought wow, I sound like one of those 'I Found it' people from the 70's - 80's. And well.. I haven't.. or I guess I am redefining IT. Now I don't know exactly all that means. But I know that I am looking for a language that doesn't set off cues in me that cause that natural knee jerk cynicism that lives in my bones.

One such cue happened a bit ago. I was listening to a podcast from the blog 'The God Journey'

The comment was 'God allows these things to happen' Now that just puts hackles up my back immediately.. Why? Why is this..?

Is this because I don't want to believe in a God who 'Allows' things to happen? Allows implies choice and there is something there that just doesn't sit well with me. It has a background noise to me that says..'Well if God Allows, then he can NOT allow too' It says that all my pain.. could have been different.. if God had Not allowed certain things to happen. And then I start down a slippery road of alot of stuff that really leads nowhere. And I am redefining this relationship I have with God.

So lets start fresh, and feel it again 'God Allows this to happen' nope still pisses me off. And I think it's because (trying to be cogent again) it brings everything down to a human level of ordinary-ness. It 'Allows' me to pass personal responsibility elsewhere. Somewhere I feel that statement is too small. I can live with 'Stuff Happens'.

But I can't live with Allows. It makes me feel like there is some big Old Fat White Guy up there playing eenie meanie miney moe. And I am redfining the Old Fat White Guy.. stepping outside the box..

I am still thinking about this. I know there are others with more intelligence and thought that have wrote reams on this issue.. Why do bad things happen.. Why Does God Allow? It's called in religious speak 'Theodicy'.

I only know this.. that the one common denominator in all my failures was me.. and my choices. I also know, that there was that still small voice that I either did or didn't listen to. In most cases. Of course there were a few BIG WHAMMY's that I totally did not feel coming.. but then again.. Stuff happens.

Sorry there is no answer to this for you from me .. I am just resting in the exquisite 'wasteful' grace with this one that the Mystery of God provides me with his Son and Spirit. (ack! I said His that's a whole nuther blog). I sense that it is the exploration of the Why this bothers me that is important.. not the actual answer.

Janny